Seasonal

There are times when I just can’t keep my mouth shut. For quite a few years now I’ve had the overwhelming conviction that I know how best to do everything from posing wedding photos to stocking store shelves.

As most of you know, I have an ongoing obsession with the weather. I like hearing the forecasts, and critiquing them according to what I think will happen, and comparing what actually happens with the forecasts. A few winters ago I began to hear rather ominous forecasts for February—the possibility of a truly hard freeze here on the Texas Coast.

With no central heat in my home, at that time I relied on electric heaters to get me through our occasional wintry spells. With the skirting project accomplished the previous fall, I’d been quite comfortable so far that year. But faced with potentially extended colder temperatures, I decided to invest in another unit. So off I go to pursue such.

Imagine my consternation when, in January (isn’t that the dead of winter?) I’m told by our local discount department store that they had sold out of electric heaters long ago, and they weren’t getting any more. The clerk explained, “They’re seasonal.”

Well, dang, I don’t know when I’ve heard such truth. Ya ever heard of anyone shopping for a heater when it’s 90 degrees? I went to a manager for confirmation, in case the clerk just made up a story to get me off his back. Yep, you guessed it, no more electric heaters—need room for air conditioners.

I couldn’t resist.

I asked how many ACs he had sold that day.

Manager: “I don’t think any.”

CJ: Why do you suppose that is?”

Manager: “Well, the weather has been . . .”

He trailed off, beginning to see where this was going.

Making no progress there, I set out in search of an entrepreneur more in keeping with stores of my youth, where service to their customers made the difference in staying in business or closing.

And I found Ace Hardware. On a Friday, they had only 1 electric heater left. BUT they had reordered, and would have more on Saturday. Clerk said they had sold out and reordered this winter about 7 times! What an excellent concept for business.

This seasonal business has confounded me before. I went in search of an oscillating fan a couple of weeks before Easter one year. The weather had turned quite warm, but not to the degree one wanted to turn on the AC. Nope, I’m told at the stores, they were “seasonal.” I tried to explain, to no avail, the notion that when it was hot, it was the season for fans. Lord, don’t they know we’re in Texas? Where the weather can switch from freezing ice cubes on the porch to frying an egg on the driveway so fast you’ll get whip lash.

Websters New World Dictionary defines seasonal as “Characteristic of, or depending on, the season or seasons.”

I never hesitate to propose improvements to everything from the daily paper to scheduling of road repairs. Why not Webster? I suggest an additional definition for seasonal: “Refers to items stores should be selling when the weather demands it.”